3 Things Women Do To Sabotage Career Advancement And How To Overcome Them

We want to advance in our career and in life but deep down maybe unconsciously perhaps consciously there are forces that hold us back from being all that we can be and doing all that we can do. A lot of the forces have to do with our mindset and a lot have to do with our habits. Both our mindset and the resulting habits will either serve our progress or sabotage our success. The challenge is that the mindset and habits have been serving us otherwise we would not hold on to them. Maybe we say we are afraid to step up because playing small allows us to absolve ourselves of the accountability and responsibility that a position of leadership or influence brings. 

Hiding and remaining invisible is both rewarding and painful. Rewarding because we stay inside our comfort zone and don’t risk rejection or failure but painful because it feels like we are dying everyday by slowing suffocating the vision we had of who we could be and what we could do. Check out my two Youtube Video and YouTube Video 2 related to this topic that gives additional insight on the ways we get in our own way professionally and how to stop it!

For many years I have said that I wanted to step up, set a new standard and play bigger than I have in the past. I know I am not alone in this intention but playing big may require us to make sacrifices that deep down we are unwilling or afraid to make. It could mean not being able to sleep in on the weekends or have a free leisurely Sunday 90 percent of the time. It may require us to get up earlier and to stay up later than everyone else, or to sacrifice doing leisurely activities or hanging out with family and friends so that we can do deep work on our craft. Playing bigger could mean having to consistently engage in difficult conversations when we would rather keep the peace, even if it isn’t real peace because we are sweeping deep issues under the rug. What reward have you been unconsciously getting by not truly going after your goals. In this blog we will review three mechanisms that we utilize to sabotage ourselves from moving forward. These mechanisms are beyond perfectionism, imposter syndrome or over valuing the opinions of critics which we have reviewed in other blogs. 

1. Overwhelm

The first way that we as women (and men for that matter) sabotage our own professional (and personal) advancement is getting overwhelmed. Yes, I know you are feeling overwhelmed with so much on your plate so you’re probably giving me the side eye right now, and I should have warned you that this blog is probably going to be a tough one but you can handle it! We’ve got to lean into identifying our deepest, often hidden ways of stopping ourselves from breaking through our internal glass ceiling. 

Beyond having our significance tied to how much is on our plate, another reason many of us live in the sabotage of overwhelm - which by the way keeps us stuck and inactive and falling more and more behind is that we don’t feel comfortable saying no. As a consequence we spread ourselves too thin and take on too many projects, or redo what we have already done so many times because a person in position a position of power hasn’t been clear or we are afraid to challenge them. We stay overwhelmed in these cases because we are afraid of having the difficult conversation.

Another reason we stay overwhelmed is because of constantly being distracted. I will admit that this is probably my biggest challenge and my hardest struggle because even as I was writing this blog I checked my email and social media just in case I missed something “important”. The mobile phone, is actually the devil I frequently think to myself! So I am retraining myself to disconnect and not give into the addicting dopamine hit that comes from scrolling or checking the phone in a moment of silence or boredom or even when I hit a creative block.

Fix: Admit how much of our identity comes from feeling good about how busy we have been, and let go of the ego boost that comes along with that so that we can prioritize effectiveness over appearing important. Then if you need to have a difficult conversation and say no to some things challenge yourself to have the conversation. Finally join me on my crusade to ruthlessly eliminate distraction.

2. Lack of prioritization and organization

This one could be two categories but I will put them together because they are closely related. Lack of prioritization is a sabotage mechanism because it relieves us of the need to think proactively, to ask ourselves the hard questions and to admit that we have limits. If you ask yourself what is the most important thing here, and let go of the rest, we have to admit that we can’t do everything and for us over achievers this is a big hit to our ego. Another reason that prioritization is sometimes hard is because we haven’t done the work to ask ourselves the hard questions on what we really want and what outcome we are trying to achieve, so we don’t have clarity and therefore everything seems important. 

When we don’t prioritize and put things in order of importance we end up with too much on our plate which results in disorder i.e. disorganization. Organization requires us to make tough decisions and let go of things and projects that we may not be ready to let go of.

Fix: Ask yourself what outcome do you really want to achieve and what you really want and prioritize the things that support this outcome and let go of the things that don’t.

3. Thinking We Can’t Handle Failure

Another way we sabotage is thinking that we won’t survive a failure. It sounds kind of ridiculous doesn’t it? Like if something bad happens and we don’t achieve our goal we will die. So we avoid failure like a deadly disease. Are you serious? We know we won’t die but we act as if we will. We are strong enough. We may not love the painful learning process, the sweat and some times tears that come but whatever happens we are strong enough to take it. Our ego wants the easy way out. Only when the pain of staying where we are in comfort zone supersedes our perceived pain from the risk of failing will we move, get up and take action. I encourage you to push through even if you think it is too much for you to handle and eventually you will realize that you are stronger than you think. We always were. We always have been. Life, and our professional careers are full of challenges, oppositions and breakdowns, yes, even failures but somehow we find a way to keep going. We are still alive, therefore we are strong enough.

Fix: Write down 5 times you failed or went through a difficult time that you just knew you would not survive but somehow you did. This exercise will show you based on evidence that YES, you are strong and you can handle any difficult time you may face.

Powerful Coaching Question

Did any of the 3 sabotage mechanisms resonate as something you habitually do? Pick the corresponding fix activity and commit to take action in the next seven days. Remember, transformation happens in action not in gathering information.

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