How to Overcome Self-Doubt: Tame the Voice of Self-Doubt aka The Inner Critic
What Is The Voice of Self-Doubt (Also Known As the Inner Critic)?
The inner critic is a voice that we are all familiar with. It is the voice of self doubt, that nagging, shaming criticizing voice that shows up when we are trying to step outside of our comfort zone and when we are trying to expand our sphere of impact. The common message of this critical voice is "Not Enough." The various forms of not enough, include "not good enough, not strong enough, not smart enough, and not knowing enough." You know this voice. Don't you? Watch the Youtube video related to this post.
Why Does This Voice Show Up?
The thing about self-doubt is that it only shows up when growth is happening. So, if you are not taking risks, not living your dreams, or not stepping up to a challenge the voice will not show up. If you take a minute to think about it, it's actually great reason to celebrate. Growth is happening! The growth maybe messy just as a child learning to walk will fall down a few times until they find their footing, so it is when we are breaking through our comfort zone; the process will be messy until we develop a level of proficiency or expertise.
So, why does the effort towards personal growth seem so nerve-racking? Well, it is caused by our natural fight or flight response that wants to protect us from perceived harm or danger. This neurological response to danger happens because there is a part of our brain called the amygdala that processes emotions such as fear, and anxiety that takes over the brain’s mental processes once we feel threatened or unsafe by new activities that are outside of our comfort zone. This part of the brain processes emotions milliseconds earlier than the part of our brain that handles rational thinking, known as the cortex. The cortex is the rational/reasoning part of the brain responsible for its executive function. When the amygdala is activated, a mental hijack occurs, and we temporarily lose access to clear reasoning and rationalization through the cortex. The metaphorical door to our mind then becomes wide open to the voice of self-doubt, and we become much more vulnerable to its messages. At this point, the brain is unable to tell the difference between real physical life-threatening danger and the perceived threat that comes along with our fear of rejection, criticism, and fear of failure.
The reason I explained a bit of the neuroscience of self-doubt is for us to understand that this reaction is normal to the human experience. So you can easily move from the self-berating that usually comes from an episode of an inner critic attack and move onto strategies of how to effectively manage and minimize its impact.
Inner Critic Manifestations Worth Mentioning
Before we move on to discussing useful strategies to overcome the inner critic, let's explore two common inner critic manifestations that cause people to be stuck rather than experience the personal growth and breakthroughs that they so desire.
1. The Imposter Syndrome
One of the biggest ways that the inner critic shows up especially in high performing cultures is via the IMPOSTOR syndrome. Coined in 1978 by two American clinical psychologists, Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, the impostor syndrome is a feeling of “phoniness in people who believe that they are not intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement.” While these people “are highly motivated to achieve,” they also “live in fear of being ‘found out’ or exposed as frauds. They feel as if they are not qualified for or belong in the position they are in.
2. The Perfectionist
Another inner critic manifestation is the perfectionist, which I refer to as the perfectionist deception. It’s deceptive because while being a “perfectionist” sounds like a noble goal, perfectionism isn’t motivated by excellence, in fact, it comes from a place of self-doubt that you are not good enough, so you have to prove your worth by never making a mistake. When you don’t trust yourself or see the value that you bring, you move from strong work ethic and diligence to fanatic perfectionism which depletes your energy and resourcefulness; it just becomes counter-productive to producing outstanding results. Besides, perfectionism keeps you too busy being the worker bee rather than being a strategic thought leader who is seen by someone who is capable of and ready to lead rather than the one just executing everyone else’s vision (I will blog more about this phenomenon in upcoming posts that keeps us forever stuck in lower level positions in our careers rather than progressing as we want to).
So now that you know all about the inner critic and why it shows up. Let us discuss the most important thing that you probably want to hear, and that is, how you can effectively manage and overcome self-doubt so that it doesn't get in the way of your dreams or impede your efforts to accomplish all your goals.
1. Normalize and De-stigmatize
One of the best ways to limit the impact of the inner critic is to shine a light on the truth that it is very common to the human experience. This is why the neuroscience around this is so helpful to many and the reason I wrote about it earlier on in the blog. When we realize that we are not some weird/odd person that is just uniquely flawed and that experiencing the inner critic is part of the universal human experience, this realization removes the impact of shame and the debilitation that comes with it. We can quickly move on to other useful strategies to tame it.
In the coaching programs that I have lead throughout the years, this is one of the biggest benefits that participants say they experience, realizing that these messages are heard by so many. You can tap into the power of a supportive community by talking to a few trusted close friends and ask them if they have ever had a time when they thought that they didn't belong or were not good enough. This action will further prove to you just how common self-doubt is even with people you know. You will also be astounded to realize how similar the messages are.
2. Name and Tame
Naming your inner critic for what it is can help you reduce its impact because you know it’s not really you talking - it’s just an age-old defensive process triggered by your amygdala because growth is happening or because you are attempting to step up your game. Whenever you have that debilitating self-doubt, you can overcome it by calling it what it is, an irrational fear or/natural protective mechanism. Then go ahead to calm down by taking a few deep breaths to get the rational part of your brain back online and in control of your reasoning. In the end, you will realize that you are not actually in life-threatening danger.
As you work on reducing the volume/loudness of the voice of self-doubt and building the confidence you have in yourself and in your abilities, check out my blog, "How To Really Build Your Confidence" for some additional powerful strategies.
3. Connect to your higher values
One of the most powerful antidotes to the inner critic is connecting to your values. Values are a judgment of what’s important in your life, and if you connect to a powerful enough value that you have, it can immediately stop your inner critic in its tracks.
I will use myself as an example here. In the early stages of my career, my inner critic would present nagging concerns and doubt to me using negative statements such as; nobody will care about what you have to say as a speaker or writer. This horrified me, and to make things worse, as an introvert I felt especially vulnerable and exposed when putting my work out there whether it was by writing or speaking. I eventually realized I needed to do more than trying to ignore or suppress my inner critic. That strategy was simply not working. I had to find something more powerful to me than my debilitating fear to motivate me to act on my heartfelt aspirations. It was my values that provided the inspiration that I needed to move forward beyond paralysis. A big value of mine is contribution. I knew that I wanted to contribute to help others blow the lid off their potential, smash their internal glass ceiling, and to break through personal barriers. This value of contribution and service to others is so much more important to me than the fear of failure that it pushed me to want to do these things outside of my comfort zone.
Self-doubt has plagued even the most brilliant among us, including the late Maya Angelou who once said “Each time I write a book, every time I face that yellow pad, the challenge is so great. I have written eleven books, but each time I think, “Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.”
This was the impostor syndrome operating in her life in certain moments but she absolutely didn’t allow it to have the final word. She continued to push through because her personal values, drive and mission were much more powerful in the end than the fearful voice of self-doubt.
So ask yourself, what’s more, important to YOU than your fears and make that your motivation for stepping up to play BIG today!
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Ok, that's all for this week my dear treasured friends, don't forget that you are a light, so shine!